It begins with the cramps - a clutching in my stomach. Before I even open my eyes, it’s as if the weight of it all has settled on my skin in the night, and my body is finally awake enough to react. Louise Hay said the cause of diarrhoea is ‘Fear. Rejection. A running away.’ My body is running away from my mind.

Or maybe it’s the other way around.

Either way, we are here - week three of tapering, each day getting worse than the one before. In the beginning, it was like a science experiment. What symptoms am I feeling today? I wonder, if I wake up at 5:30am to meditate each day, will it be enough to support my mental state? Now, it’s less of an experiment and more of an observation. A slipping away from myself. The me that stands by and wonders, at which point will she refuse to go any further?